I’m now on a self-inflicted state of crazy.
Working an additional 1 hour per weekday to cover up for the 4 hours I cannot go to work on Saturdays because I am attending review classes to take the licensure board exam for which I also took up a sideline project to pay for these classes…
Exams are in 3 weeks and I am off to a 1 week business trip in 4 days. 5 more books to scan and highlight and try to understand with whatever memory I still have left on me. Cramming never works anymore at my age. I’m starting to believe the old wives’ tale that giving birth significantly takes away nutrients, calcium and memory from a woman. In the past 6 years, I have been lucky that my scoliosis is stable and the long forgotten root canal appointment seem irrelevant. But my memory, yes, it’s not as reliable as it was before.
I need to work double time on my classes. I am no match to these fresh graduates who still have enough energy to do all-nighters. My whole body shuts down as soon as I lie down beside my son to coach him with his bedtime prayer.
And I cannot will myself to start packing for this trip. I was looking forward to go back to Italy after 2 years. The clothes remain on my dresser chair.
After I clock out today, I will need to go to the job site in another city 40 kilometers away. Going home at 2 in the morning only to wake up in 3 hours to bring my son to school again…
But all of these, I am enduring in order to prepare for our big step out of our present (hell).