Soon, I will be walking past you.
And through you.
Will you come to me before I leave? You who taught me pleasure and joy? Remind me again. You selfish selfish man. Let me have a taste of real pleasure again.
So, yes. I’m back visiting your country and your city. Did not make much of an effort this time to try to see you. And everything looks much different now. Let’s say, I am seeing more of everything this time through my own eyes. And I have been seeing you. A lot. I saw your back and your hair at the plane. At the airport, I saw your hair again. Yesterday at the Cathedral, I saw your hands and I think I heard your voice. I felt your breath as I climbed up the stairs to the roof. And I felt the same excitement I felt 2 years ago anticipating our first kiss in that hidden corner. At the souvenir shop, I felt you behind me as I picked out a magnet. Will I see more of you today until before I leave to go home?
for a smart 31 year old woman, i can be slow.
i just thought this was different.
i have already bored you, yes you –
you 44 year old man.
thanks for the time you gave me when you were capable and you wanted to give it.
Really. What happened? I ask myself the same question. And I have avoided answering my own voice.
I am sorry.
I don’t know what happened between Hello and Good bye.
And there was not another Hello again. Not the same anymore. I am so sorry if you think I misled you. I may have made you fall in love with me but that is who I am. But I never wanted to not fall in love with you. I am so sorry.
The circumstances have led us to this. Strangers. More estranged than before we first met online. And then we hoped and planned to meet in person. To finally see each other and to feel each other so close. Indeed, you were real. I was real. My heart melted a hundred times when we were together. I wanted to stay in our dream forever.
But that was just it. A dream. Meant to be finished. To be stopped.
And it’s over. Now we’re back in opposite ends of the planet. Strangers. Loners looking for love. I found love in you. Once I felt love with you. Thank you for this. Sorry for this. I cannot give more love than what I have already given.
I still don’t know what to tell you. Please don’t ask me anymore. I’m sorry.
Something reminded me of my personal promise. I made this promise last year. Few days after I got my last tattoo.
This last one is actually a series (a trio?). And it reads:
“Io sono la mia Magia – Il mio Luce – Sempre nel Piacere”. A literal google translation to English will give you:
“I am my own Magic – My Light – Always in Pleasure”.
I will write on more of my mantra in my next entries.
Have a blessed Monday, everyone.