Il mio luce (sic)

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Vivian

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Indeed, you have always considered what’s best for yourself. Alone. You always come out on top. In your list of priorities, self preservation appears three times at the top 10. I don’t think I will ever understand who you are because I will never discover what you need. Your ex was right, “There are people like her. Up until the end, they will never find what it is they’re looking for.” And I am supposed to take pity on this weakness of yours. I will not because I know you don’t want that. You have too much pride. In fact, you seemed too apologetic when I arrived at the emergency room. That disgusting excuse for a hospital. Your left leg dangling on the side. Your soiled shirt covering your exposed legs. I made no effort to fix your person. In fact I held on to my thick scarf. Just in case you might think I will let you use it. And now you are winning again. You always succeed in giving us more shit. I’m so tired of your shit. Growing up with that smell. I have managed to get rid of it years ago. And you’re back with more. Really? When will my burden of being borne out of you end?

ABMBTN (air bubble in my mouth, breathing through my nose)

So many things coming out of my brain

trying to escape through my mouth

my physical self can only handle so much

and time is my enemy at the present

oh, time, time, time

you always trick me in to thinking you do not exist

you let me float in my dreams drifting from the past to present and future and past again

on this boat of comfort and laziness

then you tip me over

it’s so hard to fight drowning in my dream self

i cannot move my dream legs and arms as hard as i want to

and i lose my breath

and i let you become the water which engulfs me and envelops me in this warm soft comfortable liquid

and my dream starts again

Hello Ciao Hello

Dear M,

Nice to hear from you again after 8 years.

wow

Has it really been that long already? Not one letter to your best friend aka yourself? Must be really overwhelming to hear about everything that has happened to you…

but

I am happy.

still

We see each other again. Yes. Contact. This is the most important thing. Let’s move on again together. Hand in hand. Heart to heart. Mind to mind. Best friends forever.

promise

Don’t leave me again. Don’t betray me. Don’t lose. Don’t hate me.

ever

Love me again.

Yours forever,

M